Fair weather Scooter
Steve. Yup! There is a thermal level below which I don’t
don my open face helmet and twist the throttle. Somewhere around the 0-degree
level snowballs have a better chance.
So when I am not scooting up
a blaze the next best thing is to drink beer.
Those who know me, or think they know me, know me for one other thing.
My appreciation of the amber nectar. I
have spent the better part of my legal adult life consuming as much of the
stuff as I can. When I travel I make a point of sampling as many variations of
beer as humanly possible. And my recent trip to Mother Russia (say it in a
Baltic accent) was no exception.
It all starts with a visa. Even for Europeans!
As a Saffa (South African)
the journey beyond the iron curtain begins in Pretoria. A monstrous face-brick monolith conceals the
consulate. Alas, no Kalashnikov rifles
greeted me at the visa application center. The days of cold war hostilities are
over. Come to think of it, South Africa and ex-MK have always been on pretty
good speaking terms. However, the
current diplomatic feeling seems somewhat strained. A tangled spaghetti beaurocratic process now
awaits you to get your entry permit for a short stay in Russia. I am used to applying for Schengens and
African Visas. The Russian Visa takes similar
ingenuity and verve. First you need to
get your head around Cyrillic application forms. The next barrier to entry is arranging a
letter of invitation in the form of a tourist voucher. Most good hotels in Russia are licensed to
issue this voucher. You need to pay for your stay in advance. Only when you have this voucher in hand can
you start the online application process. There are some online voucher vendors
like VFS global but I personally wouldn't use them. Europeans
and American clutter the online forums venting their frustrations. They feel that their freedom of movement is
violated because they actually have to plan their itinerary upfront. I laugh! “Welcome to my world!”.
As a South African we have
one of the most restrictive passports in the world. I think the only country
north of the equator we don’t need a visa for is Somalia. Quality holiday destination I hear!!!
Touchdown St Petersburg (Via Frankfurt)
Touchdown Pulkovo Airport. Passport
in hand my arrival into the winter wonderland was all but smooth. The company that has the tender to supply
South African passports ran out of ink the day they printed my passport back in
2008. The photo is distorted and the
authenticity leaves a lot to be desired.
The Russian customs official were onto this suspicious looking African. Several
in-house experts examined my passport under duress and microscope. My only defense was that I had been allowed
into the US and Europe on several occasions so if it passed Obama’s and
Merkel’s scrutiny who was Putin to think he was better? Probably the wrong choice of logic but it
worked. Welcome to Russia ScooterSteve.
Or as they say, “Dorbro Pozhalovat!” (добро
пожаловать)
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| Dodgy passport! |
Forget Vodka, It’s time to find Pivo
aka beer?
St Petersburg has a very
European feel. A no brainer considering it's in Europe
and not Asia. The architecture is grand and opulent unlike the soviet era face
brick façade of the Pretoria Embassy.
The Grand Palaces of the Romanov's flank the Neva River and its canal
systems. Anything but drab and grey. It’s
about time I found a beer. Yes! Beer. The reason for life.
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| Baltico Beer is Russian Castle Lager! |
Scooterstevesky recommends a Laughing Sam!!!
“Craft beer shmaaft
beer”. If it has the words artisanal,
craft or boutique in it I wanna vomit.
21st century marketing bollocks that reeks of skinny jeans,
hipsters and un-manicured beards. Yes I
have issues! Agreed, these buzz words
draw in the crowds. That’s probably why I hate them. It’s marketing for the
sheep. But if St Petersburg and I were to
become friends I would have to get over myself.
They are a few years behind the curve so there is still a sincere
honesty about their “micro breweries” and “craft beers”. Micro is fine. It says
small and unpretentious! The man in the
street drinks his Baltica lager proudly, but the new wave of Russian drinkers are
bored. A pale ale is what they want so an IPA is what I want.
Geography: There are 3
main districts (islands) to St Petersburg worth noting. They are Admiralteysky,
Petrogradsky & Vasileostrovsky! Everything is suffixed with a sky! Pronouced: ski
And boy did I find a beer worth
a laugh. I stumbled across the Craft
Brew Café across the road from the Metro station on Admiralteysky
island near the Hermitage.
This spot is top notch. It
has a quasi California beach theme. The redeeming feature is the choice of 10 local ales. Not a mass produced Baltica
anywhere.
My favourite was an IPA
called Laughing Sam. The irony! Its flavour has notes of “die American capitalist pig” with
a hint of "anti-west propaganda" after taste! A
bargain at 190 Rubles ($3)
Global Warming wake up!
I was expecting St Petersburg
to be cold. The locals are complaining ‘cause it used to be a place you could
experience a white Christmas. These days
the snow melts away, even in mid December.
Despite the unpredictable weather the snow bursts are frequent and help
deliver that winter wonderland effect. The
average temp this December was just above freezing. The low season from a tourist perspective
which suited me fine. I had all the
attractions to myself. (Cruise ships can’t
sail in the ice packed Neva and Gulf of Finland!)
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| The Hermitage Complex |
Scooterstevesky is not a
museum kind of guy. But when you have
the whole town to yourself you make exceptions.
The Hermitage is epic. Like
Victoria Falls Epic. It WILL blow your
mind. The Hermitage is made up of 6
buildings with the Winter Palace taking center stage.
3 million art works on
display. Entire floors dedicated to masters like Da Vinci and Van Rijn are
yours to enjoy without a selfie stick in sight. For 600 Rubles ($10) it’s a
crash course in art appreciation.
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| Da Vinci's Madonna Litta (1490) |
Borscht. Nyet!
My beer appetite needed to be satiated. And I needed some good
grub. The Russians can keep their
borscht. Sour beetroot soup won’t cut it.
With its close proximity to Finland and greater Scandinavia, St P’s
gastronomy shares similar themes.
Smorgasbords have gone Michelin Star and Buterbrodskybar in Vasileostrovsky
is leading the way. Amuse-Bouche meets
Spanish “pincho” tapas - and they serve a multitude of local brews. A 5,8%
Ingria ale was my brew of the night. What could go wrong?!
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| Ingria Pale Ale |
A few too many beers later I
had to snow-graffiti a parked car. Politsi!
Russian Pie = Russian hangover cure!
The search for beer is never
ending. So is the cure for a
hangover. Luckily this is something the
Russians know a lot about. Pierogi (pie) is a Russian staple.
Peppered throughout the
country is a franchise canteen restaurant called Stolle* that specialize in amazing meaty, fishy & fruity pies. Take away or sit down order your slice and enjoy.
“Ready for another beer?”
* not to be mistaken for the German fruit bread stollen.
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| Stolle sell the best Pierogi |
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| Chicken, Mushroom, Fish, Apple! |
St P kept me entertained for
3 full days. Plenty time to see all the
attractions and get a feel for the city.
Apart from beer here is my list
of must see places:
1. Do a “Hop on hop
off bus trip” to get the lay of the land from above ground. You’ll see all the major attractions and
realize you can skip all of them!
2. Hermitage Museum. Get there early, or come in winter!
3. Church of the
Spilt Blood is impressive. Worth a walk
past.
4. Skip the Vodka
Museum. Tourist trap.
5. The Faberge
Museum. The original Kinder Surprise. This
place has 15 of the known 43 eggs. Tours
are only in Russian so hire an audio book.
6. Day trip to
Pushkin 20km south of St P. Visit the Summer Palace and Amber Room. Get a sense of how rich the Romanovs
were!
7. Ballet. Go to the Mikhailovsky. It's less commercial than the Mariinsky Ballet and equally as good. Buy tickets here: http://www.mikhailovsky.ru/en/buy_now/tickets/815789/
The new Russian: Rossiyskiy Patriotism
You’ll get tired of speaking
politics. Everyone has a theory. Russia has a long complicated past. Its
worthy to note that the Soviet Era and Communism only reflects the period
from 1917 to 1991. Russians are more eclectic, racially diverse and
multicultural than you can ever imagine.
The stereotype of Russians
being unfriendly is nonsense. A Hollywood’ism. Don’t get me wrong. The average working class man in the street
in any city is grumpy! Russians are no
exception. But, they are very approachable and eager to chat!
You’ll read many articles
highlighting Russian intolerance toward minorities (LGBT,Jews, Africans, Turks
etc). Read this article on the new wave
of Russian Patriotism to get a better understanding of their past, their future, and the modern multi cultural Russian reinvented.
Scootersteve out!
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| Church of the Spilled Blood |
